REFLECTING ON LEADERSHIP FOR CHANGE

An obstacle is only an obstacle when you see it as one

We have probably all heard this saying in one form or the other but I think this is one of the most important  thing that I have learned this semester.

After reading my blog, one of the biggest thing that stands out to me is that I have a lot of fears and I make a lot of excuses. Although I don't feel like I dedicated as much time as I could have to the class, especially in the second part of the semester, I still feel like it opened up a lot of things in me that I will probably continue to deal with and figure out way after the class is over.

I feel like I have grown so much in the way that I think about things. A few weeks ago, I gave a presentation  and it went really well. I got great feedbacks on how well I handled the crowd and on the delivery. This might not seem like anything major but for me, knowing how far I've come, this was a big deal. I have always used my accent as an excuse to not do things, and in the past, I would focuse so much on how people would response to my accent that I wouldn't have any energy left to actually prepare for the presentation. Sometimes during this semester, it started to occur to me that my accent have so much effects on me because I give it so much weight, and little by little I started to focuse on it less and less and not see it as an obstacle. While giving the presentation I described above, I focused more on practicing, knowing the content really well, and enunciating my words. Because I was so focused on this, I didn't even think about my accent even once. This is just one example of how I've applied this, but in different areas of my life I've been learning to change the way I see things. I am really learning that all this things I see as obstacles are only excuses that I use to not go after things. This class has been teaching me that it doesn't matter how old you are, how much support you have in your childhood, or how much dissapointments you have experienced in the past, it's never too late to go after your dreams. And even though the fears are still there, I've learned and I'm still learning how to not allow them to stop me. I've learned that you don't have to wait for the fears to dissappear before you act.

The other big thing that I'm taking away from the class is that I have to work hard to get where I want to get. It's not enough to just complain about the obstacles or my circumstances then quit, I've learned this semester that I have to put in the work it takes to overcome the obstacles or find ways to make my circumstance work for me. If there's an area I want to grow in, then I can ask for help or even seek out classes that can help me in that area. I've learned that my old thinking is really a form of laziness, it's much easier to complain about what's stopping you and not get anything done that to start finding ways around the obstacles.

Also, reading my dreams, the way people describe me, my perfect day and so forth, then reading the other half of my blogs, I really see how much my fears and my focus on my circumstances has stopped me from applying myself even during this semester. I feel like I have a lot of potentials, and it will be a shame if I just sit around and don't apply it.

I would say blogging is definitely a new experience for me. I wasn't quite used to sharing my dreams with a large group of people. Just the whole set up of the class, sharing so much with a group of people that I hadn't build a bond with over a long period of time was new to me. But from my experience with the class and what I have heard from others, I see how much people can be bonded through sharing dreams and experiecing the ups and downs of accomplishing it together.

Some of the things I like about this class is how it forces you to really look at yourself if you are willing to; the support system it gives you while you're trying to accomplish your dreams, I don't think I would have naturally gone out and done all the things I did in this class on my own; and finally the books, I think I gained a lot from reading the books; Oh, also, I like the fact that the professor and the TA's  participated in all the activities and assignment we did, it really helped to see you guys finding your own way along with us and experiencing similar things.

I don't really care for blogging or sharing my dreams with too many people, but that's probably what has contributed to a lot of things I've gained in the class.

For next semester, I think a group panel of professionals would be nice along with graduate students. Also, maybe more time with our planning group, I'm not sure if that's what we called it but the group we formed in the begining of the semester. I can't really think of anything else, I think the class was well prepared, and I can see how each activity contributed to my growth.

Assignment #11: THE BUDDY SYSTEM

First Steps

I couldn't come up with anything to put on my card in class so I just put study. But I had a chance to think about it some more and I realize that my next step besides finishing undergrad strong is to start contacting the organizations that I would like to volunteer for over the next year. So, I sent out a couple of emails and I got one response back so far.


The buddy system

I met with my buddy on Friday. We started by discussing the task that we had to complete for the week. We both graduate this semester so we talked about different things that we have to do to finish. I think that was also the topic of our hard times, the different papers and projects we have to complete to finish. The next thing on her list was to finish a paper and a presentation she has to do for one of her classes; we talked about how she would finish it.

I also told her about my plan to contact these different organizations. I didn't hear back from the organizations until after our meeting, so my next step for this week is to fill out the application form for the organization that I have information on. I will also attempt to contact the organization that I haven't heard back from by phone if I don't get a reply by Wednesday.

Assignment 10: Moving and Shaking

First Steps

My next step for this week was to organize myself so that I can finish undergrad strong. I 'm not sure how I phrased it, but I basically realized that I might have taken on too much this semester and it was really starting to affect me in many ways. And I was so worried that we only have one month left before the semester is over, and I have so much to get done within that month, that working on my dreams after graduation didn't seem all that important right now. I felt like I was messing up all the hard work I had put in so far. I didn't really write down anything concrete, I just knew that I needed to readjust myself.  I probably drank more coffee this week than I have ever drank in my life, but I also got a lot done. I am pretty much caught up with most of my classes, and I set up a way to get done all the projects that I need to do before the semester ends. I'm still a little nervous about how it will all turn out but i do feel a lot lighter.

Reflecting on Fear

The resistance I experience this week is connected to a fear I often have, which is a resistance to share my  my dreams or my good news with people. I don't know why it was more apparent this week but it definitely was. I felt a lot of it during the class exercise when we went around sharing our dreams with people but I pushed it away. I told myself that the dream is not something I really want anyway so I don't really care about telling people. This is one way that I usually deal with this fear. I'm still exploring why this resistance is there but some of it stems from my belief that dreams should be kept private and worked on quietly until it is acquired, which as I'm reading it myself probably doesn't make any sense. And as I'm learning in this class, you need other people to help in accomplishing your dreams, so, I'm still kind of struggling with reconciling both theses ideas. I share my dreams because of the class assignments but I notice the resistance each time, which I just kind of brush away.

I think this resistance reveals survival fear, for reasons I have been discovering. I guess that there's something in me that believe that putting it out there sets up my hope and if it doesn't happen, I would be highly disappointed. Telling people makes it seem like I'm setting myself up for a fall. Right now, I don't really have a strategy for moving through it other than just telling people, experiencing the anxiety that comes with it, and trying to numb myself to really wanting it.

Assignment 9 and My Planning Wall

My Planning Wall

I know this was due last week but I still wanted to get my planning wall in. It's kind of rough but this was my third time doing it, so I didn't want to redo it again. It was a little difficult to do. I didn't think it would be that hard to plan the next six years of my life but it was. I procrastinasted a lot, focused too much on having the lines perfect, another way of procrastinating but I finally did it. It felt a little weird to have my target written down. Writing it down definitely made it feel more real, and it also makes me a little more commited to driving towards it. And for some reason, it made it seem more possible, more tangible instead of some dream I just have in my head. So, even though, I resisted at first, I'm really glad I did it. I'll probably still redo it later to make it more appealing.


This Week's Assignment.

For this week, I emailed the office of Urban Health and Diversity Programs to find out when their next GRE prep class will be. The next step for my plan is to take the GRE and this office offers the cheapest program that I know about. I think they also help you with the whole application process. I emailed them a little late so I'm still waiting for a response.

My Last Interview

My last interview was with a lady who owns two restaurants. She was getting ready to open the second one at the time of our interview, but it should be open by now. I learned a lot from interviewing her. She also got into the restaurant business by accident. She had plans to go to medical school but a course she took led her into the restaurant business. The biggest thing I got from her is that you have to know what you are getting into if you want to own a restaurant, she used metaphors that compared owning a restaurant to having a baby. She also gave me a lot of helpful tips about the first steps I need to take such as getting loans and courses that might be helpful.

Assignment 7: Interview 2

My first interview was with one of my friends who got her MPH in Maternal and Child Health. I'm actually more excited about the field after talking to her. She's a public health planner and although she's not doing exactly what I want to be doing, I learned a lot from her. She had similar struggles to what I'm going through now before she decided on Public Health, so that was very encouraging to see that I'm not alone. She has a very impressive background and a wealth of experience and talking to her really encourages me to use my year off to explore different experiences that I can later apply to this field.

I was going to do my second interview on a restaurant owner. I found a restaurant owner to interview but the interview is not until tomorrow afternoon. So, I will probably save that interview for next week's assignment. So, my second interview is with another public health person.

Miss M. is the project director at my internship. Again she's not doing exactly what I want to be doing but it's very close. She doesn't work directly with parents and children but she helps to develop different programs that focus on prevention and protecting children from violence and its effects. Again the biggest thing that stood out to me during the interview is the value of experience. I guess that was the theme for this week.

Pictures

This are the picture I've been talking about in my last 3 posts, the contrast pictures. It's kind of cheesy but I think they're so pretty. You guys probably can't see it but the candle is in the shape of an angel, I think that's really cool.

Role Models

I'm still confused but I think I'm moving forward in my confusion. I went back and read my old blogs: my touchstone, my ideal day, my personality type and so forth. From what I read, both of the profession I want to pursue seems to still fit. I'm sure I'm going to have to make a decision soon but for now, I can't say I can really make a commitment to one without thinking about the other. This week and the past two weeks I got to interview someone from both profession:

The first interview:
I got a chance to interview my father. It's funny, I didn't want to interview him before because I thought I knew the whole story of how he got into the restaurant business. I learned some new things though. I always knew that he didn't plan the restaurant business, it was sort of like an accident, but I didn't know the exact detail. The biggest thing that stood out to me about that is how life can sometimes lead you to where you're supposed to be even when you're not searching. My father got his degree in something totally unrelated to restaurant business, he has also tried a couple of businesses in the past that didn't work out, and I think it's interesting that the restaurant business was the one that stuck; he's been running a restaurant now for the past 19 years. He has definitely had some challenges along the way, some of which I just learned from the interview. Different things have happened that has caused the restaurant to be closed for months maybe even years during those 19 years, from certain people leaving to losing a location, but the consistent theme I got from my interview with him was how he kept getting pulled back.

His advice is that a restaurant owner has to be very much involved and know the ins and outs of their restaurant (I think my father learned this lesson the hard way), he also mentioned that one has to treat owning a restaurant as a business, not a hobby. Some of the challenges are the time commitment owning a restaurant involves, it's like a 24 hr job which limits family times or vacation. According to him, it does have some rewards though like owning your own business and being able to control it the way you want, and of course being commended for your cooking.

I've seen some of these rewards and challenges first hand, but it was interesting to hear them coming from him. I interviewed him after a long day of catering, he seemed really tired but even with that I can tell that he enjoys what he does.

I didn't tell him yet what my plan is, I don't want him to get his hopes up in case I change my mind. And some of the challenges I've seen him face as a restaurant owner definitely scares me but I was encouraged by his story that I will find my own path in time. This helps a little while I navigate through this confusion.

The second interview:
My second interview was with miss A, director of a Healthy Start Initiative center. The goal of the program is to reduce the infant mortality rates in the community they serve. They work with at risk pregnant women from pregnancy until the child is 2. They connect mothers with different resources; they have nurses and social workers who make home visits; they have different workshops to address different issues that the mothers might face; and they also provide classes for fathers. I really enjoyed the interview, and learning more about the program. Even though miss A. has a social work degree, one of the things I gained from this interview is that if I want to be involved in this type of program it might be better to pursue a degree in public health instead of social work. I was able to see the advantages of pursuing one degree over the other. I was also able to see the importance of experience in this field.